The devil is the master deceiver, but God is the Redeemer.

Today has been a rough day for me. I came back to pitt after a weekend at home, and all of a sudden everything that has been building up inside for this entire semester just came out. All of my doubts and fears laid bare. I was already emotional from being stressed for finals coming up and then this added to it and I exploded into tears. It's like a weight was tossed on me and I just couldn't hold it up any longer.

I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't be good enough, that I won't be able to contribute to their mission, that I won't get out of my comfort zone like I need too. I'm scared of flying by myself overseas for the first time, to a place I don't know, and won't know anybody. I'm afraid I won't have enough money to pay for it all, plus the bill for school and rent. Let's just say I was having a breakdown.

So, I went to the only logical place I could for comfort. I went to my bible and searched some versus about fear and worrying. And God delivered. Here are some of the ones I found:

2 Timothy 1:7

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

1 Peter 5:7

Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

I also thought of one of my favorite songs, Still by Hillsong.
 "Hide me now under your wings, cover me within your mighty hands"
"When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with you above the storm, Father you are King over the flood, and I will be still and know you are God."
"I rest my soul, in Christ alone, know his power in quietness and trust"'
"When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with you above the storm, Father you are King over the flood, and I will be still and know you are God."

God has redeemed me so many times from my unfaithfulness and doubt and fears, and yet I still allow Satan to get to me. God has provided everything for me so far to go on this trip, he will never leave me nor forsake me.

All I ask is for prayer. Pray that I will find my strength in Christ alone. That I can be Gods vessel, and use me for his good purpose this summer. Pray that I shall not be weak but strong in the Lord and my faith. And the wisdom to do all that I need to do this summer. I also shall be praying these things for myself. Thank you to all who have and are praying for me and this trip this summer. You all mean so much to me and thank God that he has placed all of you in my life. 

Awaiting Departure

I have 2 weeks left of school and roughly 3 weeks till I leave for Australia. For those of you who know me, you should know just by the look of me that I am stressing out. I'm trying not to think about it yet, so I can focus on finishing school strong, but man is it hard. I have started to think about all the things I am going to need to do between now and then, and things I want to pack, and nervous about whether I will be good for their organization or whether I won't be any help at all. I pray will all my heart that I will be of some service to them. I want God to use me for his good purpose in whatever way he can. But doubt plagues me. I doubt myself and my abilities. I know that its just satan trying to make me lose faith, but it is hard to overcome.

For all of you who are reading this blog, I ask that you would pray. Pray that my nerves will be calmed, that my heart will be strong, and I won't stress out every time I think about this trip. Pray that God will show me my way and lead me into doing things I never thought possible for myself. I thank all of you for helping me through this both financially, emotionally, and with prayer. I know I could never have done this without all of you. So thank you.